February 2010
3 posts
It’s been years since I’ve had to stay away from the dining room table where the adults ate and lingered afterwards to talk. When I went off to college, that’s when I earned myself a permanent spot at that table. It wasn’t so much of an exclusive arrangement; I was frequently bored or annoyed by the things my aunts talked about and in those instances, I would get up and go...
This is how it's supposed to end. Or, an open...
We would have gone on the cutest dates. I would have spent a lot of time trying to get you to admit that, compared to California, New York isn’t that bad at all. I would have taken you to maybe every place I ever listed on my geek tours. Some you would love. Some you would lie about enjoying. You would learn exactly how nerdy and geeky I can be and what “fangirl” means and...
January 2010
1 post
When you find out (by searching all of facebook instead of looking through your own friends list because you had been defriended at some point within the last 4 years – ew, facebook’s been around that long? – and finding his profile, still open to the public, in which the first photo you see is of him holding up a newborn baby) that your first college boyfriend, who married the girl he met before...
December 2009
3 posts
this is my annual pep talk
Oh, what a year.
When I look back over these months and recall what I can of the lives of those around me, I feel like 2009 was all about change. I watched the people around me grow closer, drift apart, move away, move back, move on, and while all this was happening, one thing that became clear to me was that none of these things were happening to me. I didn’t do anything in 2009. I sat back and...
this is by way of explanation
I’m going a little crazy. That’s everything on my mind, in my heart, and in my life reduced to its simplest form. I’m going crazy. I almost don’t even want to admit that I may or may not be PMSing because that seems to discredit my worries and heighten the irrationality of how I’ve been feeling lately. Is this how people who suffer from depression feel? Slighted?...
this is displacement
When I left the office tonight and literally dragged my feet to the train station, I had every intention of getting off at 14th Street and finding ways to amuse myself until I felt ready to go home. On the train I read my book only because I needed to distract myself. The lights on the 6 were too bright, the woman sitting next to me took up just a little too much space. Every pair of eyes that...
October 2009
6 posts
2 tags
this is about expectations
1. If you head for an event, say James Franco speaking for the New Yorker Festival, and it’s the first social engagement you’ve had and stuck to since you’ve gotten sick, and you keep (irrationally, and quite crazily) thinking about how unfair it is that he enrolled at Columbia after you’ve graduated and that you never see him wander the streets of New York and that...
2 tags
this is about crushes
I am sitting in my office, hiding again from my work and responsibilities because I have this amazing ability to shut down completely under too much stress, and I’m squishing my Dwight Shrute stress ball between my fingers, magically aging his yellow face with all the wrinkles that appear. So instead of working, I am trying to put my feelings and thoughts into words.
But it’s proving...
this is about migraines
I start to feel it building up right after my conference call. We were going over our projections and trying to see what we would need to do to have the majority of the data collected before the Project Directors meeting in December. And what we would need to do is clone me because I can’t miraculously increase my consistent rate of 5 interviews per month to 5 per week. (Talk about a...
this is.. i don't know what this is
Sometimes everything in the world feels so heavy, I worry that my ribcage is going to crack and my chest will be crushed under the weight.
Sometimes I wish I could just make you understand what I’m saying and what I need to hear and most of all, I wish you could understand my life and what I’ve gone through with my family so that when I tell you how my mother made me cry the other...
1 tag
this is about blood & guts
So if we’re going to talk about the varying degrees of gore (not Gore as in Al) that we can/cannot handle, John’s scale seems to be a pretty good standard to go by.
Except..
For me, it gets a little complicated.
These are the things I can handle:
Zombies provided that they’re not gnawing on flesh, dead or alive. More importantly, provided that I don’t hear them gnawing...
This is where I use my words.
The tumblr bandwagon is the coolest, shiniest, brightest wagon I have ever jumped on. I have no intention of ever using another blogging platform. But the thing is? The thing is.. tumblr’s not really personal, right? It’s mostly an immediate way of finding, posting, sharing the cool photos and videos and memes out there. Which is awesome. That’s one of the things I love most...